i know it's bad when I'm sitting still in the shade and sweat is rolling down my brow.
late response to your question of why so thankful about being sick: because it's a show of god's grace and mercy on me. i get the chance to see how much he loves me. kind of a blessing in disguise, except it's not so much of a disguise to me. on the other hand, being sick is one of the least enjoyable experiences of my life. it is in my top 10 list of biggest fears. i just want so much to not be sick when i am. i wish that i could be healed of what is soon becoming a 13-14 year long journey. yet... through this sickness, god has spoken to me (sometimes to literal for my taste), and brought healing. someone once told me that i would probably be extremely arrogant if i didn't go through what i have and am going through. if i am already so prideful and still try to be self-sufficient, then i can only imagine who i would be without having been sick. i wouldn't trade the experience because this has been a significant part of the deepening of my relationship with god, of shaping my worldview, and building of my character, but i do yearn for this experience to take a change of pace. i want to be healed physically.
"...sometimes too* literal..."
more than anything, this is clearly a pouring out of god's grace on me. his wrath would be for god to let me be, and leave me to my sin, but no - he loves me so much, pursues me, speaks tenderly to me, through my experiences. also, i have a hard time getting away from the whole "relatively well" mindset. meaning, i think about the sufferings some others have to endure, and my situation minimizes in the face of that. at the same time, i don't think i minimize other people's situations, whatever it is they're going through.
like giselt said in my current xanga entry, "and that is my store."
It's funny. I was talking to the attending doctor that I operated with on that laparoscopic appendectomy with, and he tells me, "yeah, it's my fault; remember, when bad things happen, it's always the attending's fault; we're legally responsible for everything you guys do". It made me feel better. Sorta. Still sucks for the patient >_<
Comments (5)
i know it's bad when I'm sitting still in the shade and sweat is rolling down my brow.
late response to your question of why so thankful about being sick:
because it's a show of god's grace and mercy on me. i get the chance to see how much he loves me. kind of a blessing in disguise, except it's not so much of a disguise to me.
on the other hand, being sick is one of the least enjoyable experiences of my life. it is in my top 10 list of biggest fears. i just want so much to not be sick when i am. i wish that i could be healed of what is soon becoming a 13-14 year long journey. yet... through this sickness, god has spoken to me (sometimes to literal for my taste), and brought healing. someone once told me that i would probably be extremely arrogant if i didn't go through what i have and am going through. if i am already so prideful and still try to be self-sufficient, then i can only imagine who i would be without having been sick. i wouldn't trade the experience because this has been a significant part of the deepening of my relationship with god, of shaping my worldview, and building of my character, but i do yearn for this experience to take a change of pace. i want to be healed physically.
"...sometimes too* literal..."
more than anything, this is clearly a pouring out of god's grace on me. his wrath would be for god to let me be, and leave me to my sin, but no - he loves me so much, pursues me, speaks tenderly to me, through my experiences.
also, i have a hard time getting away from the whole "relatively well" mindset. meaning, i think about the sufferings some others have to endure, and my situation minimizes in the face of that.
at the same time, i don't think i minimize other people's situations, whatever it is they're going through.
like giselt said in my current xanga entry, "and that is my store."
It's funny. I was talking to the attending doctor that I operated with on that laparoscopic appendectomy with, and he tells me, "yeah, it's my fault; remember, when bad things happen, it's always the attending's fault; we're legally responsible for everything you guys do". It made me feel better. Sorta. Still sucks for the patient >_<
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